Intellige Clamorem Meum

Until recently, I had been very discreet about my blogging. I had told only a few close friends and family, half of which didn't eve sign up for the thing. And that was just fine by me.

I guess I treated this blog like I do all my writing. I think it sucks, basically. Not only was I voicing thoughts and feelings I wasn't sure I wanted to share with people I saw every day, but, true to my type A personality, I decided to do it in a language I'd initially learned from an animated rabbit.

But I needed to say something. Hence the title this post. It's from the Latin version of book of Psalms, and means : "Understand my outcry". Because this huge scream was building in me and it needed to get out. I couldn't share it with my friends or family because they were either in it with me or too far away to fully understand. Paradoxically, I needed a forum of people who were somehow virgin of all the stories and rumors if only to get my own story out.

I think I had an epiphany in spring 2002, actually. My official favorite artist, Barnett Newman was being showed at the Philadelphia Museum of Art and I just was struck dumb by the power of his colors. I couldn't find my favorite "Outcry" but this one, the "End of Silence" (detail) ties in nicely, don't you think? (Of course the physical and emotional effect is lessened by the distance. The actual exhibit gave me chills)



So I blogged. And then, I started getting feedback. Not necessarily comments directly on this page, no. But a few people, some of which I didn't know at all, had linked from the only 2 sites online that blog rolled me (you know who you are, I think) and read my posts. Not only that, they said they liked what they read, were even touched by it. Who would have thought!?!

So I took my courage into my own hands and posted the URL on a group I belong to, inviting them to look at the pictures I put up. Yes, I was being coy. What I really wanted was for them to read the rest. It worked.

Predictably, this is not enough for me. I want to read blogs by others like me. I want to know that I'm not the only mouthy third-worlder out there. I want to see that other Haitian women are speaking out, telling their story.

So I'm putting out an ad:

Wanted

Women bloggers of the third wold. Must be opinionated, frank to the point of bluntness and unafraid. Haitian, Caribbean, Latin America and/or island nationals preferred. Please post link in comments. Transgender applications not received at this time.

One last thing. If you're not sure if you belong to the 3rd or 4th world, it's simple: check out your country's score in the UN Humand Development Index. I'm generous so I'll take anything under 0.80.

Tis the season to...whatever!

So we're starting the final month of the year. I am beyond glad to see 2005 go, I'm almost dizzy with relief. If only 2006 could be better...

I was discussing this with my mother last night and I realized two things:

1) I can't remember the last Dec when I was actually looking forward to a new year. I don't think it was 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 nor 2004. Maybe 1999, because of the millenium hype? Though I might have been distracted by the bog anxiety.

2) I'm so glad I don't have children!!!! Between the fact that our exchange rate is stagnating at 43,50 gourdes for a dollar, which means every time I get to the cash register at the supermarket, I fear imminent myocardial infarction, and the fact that all those shootings, murders, kidnappings, mutilations and rapes have left me so rung out, I can't even listen to a jingle or a hymn without sneering, I just want this nightmarish year to be OVER.

So if I had kids, I'd have to go through all the Santa, carolls, tree trimming ritual. And to do that I'd have to be drunk for 40 days (including the first week of the New Year, of course, since school children here don't go back until after Epiphany).

Alas, 2006 isn't going to be much better. How do I know this? Simple. The government has announced that elections will be held January 8th, and inauguration February 24th at the latest. That's, respectively, the first non-holliday Sunday of the year and the Friday before Carnival.

Oh, Joy!

In other news, I'm decided to do a blogging blitz for Advent. So between today and Christmas Eve, I'm challenging myself to post something every day! (don't hold your breath). I'm also "improving" on my blog content, as you can tell from the side bar's growth, to your right. Suggestions are welcomed.

And, before I go, a word about today, World Aids Day. While the UNICEF's statistics, for example, can be staggering, there is some good news available. Starting with the fact that initiatives like PIH/Fonkoze in the fight against AIDS has won a prestigious prize, to the real deal : research in Haiti shows antiretroviral drugs work even on us!

So maybe some things, like human life, are really worth fighting for, even when it all seems relative.